So, I had been away at college about two, maybe three hours. There was this girl in the room next door. I was trying on myself, inventing myself anew the same way I tried at the start of every new year. But she didn't know my backstory. So she asks about my parents. Or we start talking about her parents. I don't remember.
But the subject comes up and I announce that my father is dead. I tell her he committed suicide. Perhaps this is normal conversation for you in this time. It was not normal for her. It was not normal for me.
If I remember right, I had strep at the time, and felt terrible. If I remember right, I don't think I intended to shock.